Well, California definitely needs the money, but as one of the couples that married in the first week in 2004, and we definitely plan to marry again, as well as were present in the California Supreme Court as Therese Stuart and Shannon MInter put forth their final closing arguements the last hour and a half, as well as at many other Marriage Equality events, marching in Pride every year, including this year for Marriage Equality, I have to say I feel a bit inadequate in comparison.

When we actually stood in line around City Hall, waiting to married along with 800 other couples that day, taking a grueling full 8 hours mostly on our feet, we really, really felt community in action. The power of being married in community, inside City Hall while all these other marriages were simultaneously taking place, yet having privacy with our own Deputy Commissioner who did choose to marry us, meant the world to us. The ceremony was sacred and very special. The witness was somebody we already knew in a couple communities we're in, and the whole experience was extremely moving for both of us.

What's changed, is everything will be individualized, not like that tribal feeling and energy of us all doing it together, feeding off of and sharing each other's energies! People went up and down the line while we were waiting, offering us chocolates, bottled waters, food, singing to us, playing musical instruments. It was festive, without the booze, and without the commercialism.

What saddens me is that now it will all be so damned commercial, like we deserve our rights not because it's the right thing to do, fighting for equality, but because it's economically beneficial to the State and to all the businesses that will partake of the money spent.
Money talks, bullshit walks. And if many, many couples get married between now and November, and the State takes in tons of money from the various County Recorder's office, and City Halls from the licenses and ceremonies performed, as well as recieves sales taxes from all the businesses, then probably those marriages won't be annulled and voided, like ours were, if that Constitutional Amendment passes. But while we have joy in our marriages or plans, it is just as important to fight for that right that we just won, against the homophobes and xtian rightwingers and hatemongers.

Also, at this point because the economy is so bad, my partner and I can't even afford the price to get the license, and to pay for the marriage ceremony, if we went the most basic route. For those of us who are working class lesbians, barely surviving on the edge, it almost smacks of being a movement for the rich and well off, or at least solidly middle class lesbians and gays who can afford to rent a space, to buy or rent beautiful outfits, flowers, catering, rings, wedding cakes, invite large numbers of guests and set up a guest registry.
Why completely imitate the hetero way of doing it? Because we've been so denied?

For us, we will be lucky to do the no frills affair, whether it means just the two of us and a witness at City Hall paying for the marriage license and having a stranger do the ceremony, but for me, I want someone special to do the ceremony at least, and to do it in some natural place at one of our beautiful parks. Then I think, will we have to rent a space, or can we just show up? I feel inadequate as the dyke husband in the relationship that I cannot provide all the frills for my wife, who would love the flowers, the bells and whistles, the fancy cake, the gorgeous outfits for our special day and several friends for whom we provide for . There's also the time pressure that it's got to be done before November 3rd, and we definitely don't want to wait till the last minute. So both the financial pressures and time pressures are putting a serious damper in our plans. I'm wondering if there's other dykes who feel this way? I see all the images and those depicted in the media are those who are so polished, so middle class looking and acting, so, well, acceptable queer, not too butch or too obvious, or threatening to straights. Where's the queerer queers, the guys in drag, and for us, we're Butch/Butch, and there's almost no depiction of butch/butch in the media. There's almost like a white picket middle class fencing put on the images...so we don't threaten or offend the straights. Where's the leathermen dressed in their leather marrying? We wear ours, along with our more formal attire. We depict Butch/Butch, and obvious leather. Where's the outrageous creativity and daring do? Does everything have to be so Christianized, so whitewashed, so toned down, so imitative? Where's the Pagan Dykes and Gays? Those resisting the mainstream order who want to jump the broom, with a Pagan Priestess? Where are Pagan Clergy even OFFERING to marry us? Silenced. I'd also like to see more Jewish clergy step forward too. Everything seems so safely Christianized. I am glad there are accepting churches, and especially the Unitarians willing to marry many for free, because they believe in it. How about the Quakers? Buddhists? Ect?

That's what I've always praised and loved our various communities for, is our absolute creativity, as cultural creatives, and our outrageousness...where is all of that? Are we really so fearful to break out of the hetero mold and hetero mindset? Are our relationships only legitimate if we're baby making or raising kids? I'm sick to death of seeing images over and over of gays and lesbians raising kids...yeah I know I'll get hatemail for that, but when I came out, and one of the reasons I came out was because I didn't want to get pregnant or raise children. One of the reasons brought up in the Supreme Court was the arguement why marriage should only be between a man and a woman by the rightwing was that the reason for marriage was for the procreation and raising of children, and that neither gays or lesbians had the physical capability of doing that.....(at least thru the sex act).

The counter to that was that there were many hetero couples who were infertile and still married, or older, and got married(menopausal age), and yes, that there already were many lesbians and gays raising children that wanted the stability of marriage for their families, and the rights thereof passed onto them for the protection of the children.

Still, when I came out as a Dyke, it was as a form of resistance to the order of women expected to get married and have babies.
As much as I feel we should have all the rights that heterosexuals have, including the right to marry, to choose whether to have children or not, or to adopt, ect. I still think we need to question that we really are being heterosexualized....in the sense that we cannot exist, or that our relationships are not legitimate without procreation, even if it is thru artificial insemination(lesbians) or surrogacy(gay men), or adoption and raising of children. We are losing our distinct and radical dyke culture for sure, if we have not lost it already.

But the bottom line, is whether any of you choose to marry or not, do it in your own way, with the budget you can afford. Do it because you genuinely care about your partner, and do it as outrageously or quietly as you want to. Do it because it's what you really want to do, not because of any kind of pressure, whether from within or without, not to attain legitimacy in the eyes of others, but to protect your chosen family, and because you love your spouse. And don't forget your Dyke creativity and outrageousness!!!!
-Lesbians United are Never Divided, In Sisterhood,
-MasterAmazon